Parent-Child Relational Problems

Parent-Child relational problems can cause havoc and heart break in families. These problems can stem from a number of family dynamic situations caused by family stressors, (such as financial hardship, loss of a loved one, divorce, etc.), or created by either developmental problems with your child, (language delays, cognitive deficits, learning disabilities), or social relationships affecting your child’s functioning, (such as being bullied at school), which consequently can manifest themselves in behavioral and relational problems at home.  

Let’s consider the case of a child with a learning disability. Parents face special challenges when dealing with a child who is impacted with learning problems. In addition to the child’s issues with poor academic performance, history of failure, low self-esteem, peer teasing, or symptoms of depression and anxiety they may be experiencing, parents often struggle with their child’s co-occurring behavioral problems. Situations such as doing homework can create some of the most stressful interactions between parent and child. Daily tantrums (from both, the parent and the child), anger, frustration, anxiety and grief, can have negative effects on the quality of the parent-child relationship. Often the child feels misunderstood, not able to meet parent’s expectations, makes excuses for mistakes, and tries to cover up the fact that there may be something wrong with him or her. Problems in the relationship will very likely develop if the parent is not aware of the child’s disability, is not educated on how this can impact the child’s functioning, or does not have the support he or she needs to effectively help his or her child.

Another type of family stressor that can impact a parent-child relationship can be the situation of a new blended family, where one parent has had an only child for a period of time, (say 10 years) and another child is born from the current relationship. The 10 year old child could feel left out and begin to act out behaviorally in an effort to regain the attention of the parent. Another scenario impacting this type of relationship can be that a child has been raised by a grandparent or other relative during the formative years (0-5) and the biological parent begins parenting. Since the biological parent has not been the primary caretaker, the bond that usually occurs during early childhood has not been able to develop.  

If you are currently finding yourself dealing with similar situations, my role as your therapist would be to help you develop more satisfying, loving and supportive relationships with your children. Some of the areas where I have been most helpful to many parents and their children are in dealing with learning disabilities, ADHD, mood disorders (such as depression), separation anxiety, adjustment problems, trauma and disruptive behaviors, (such as oppositional defiance). I integrate approaches such as Attachment Theory, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Play therapy, Strength-Based Therapy and apply Developmental Neurobiology Science in my work with children and their parents.

Parent-Adolescent Relational Problems

You probably already suspected this, but allow me to tell you anyway:   Yes…your teen is crazy.                         

I am not just saying this, I am actually passing down this information from the field of brain science. So let’s take a little peak inside the teen brain, shall we? The changes occurring at this stage of development are so profound that they affect nearly every area of behavior. This is a time when the human brain is being transformed from a child to an adult. We could even say that the teen brain is going through a “temporary” state of “chaos”: Things are being shifted around and redesigned sort of speak. The gray matter of an adolescents frontal lobes, (the structure of the brain that develops complex executive functions, such as reasoning, motivation, judgment and impulse control), grows denser and then abruptly scales back. It needs to give itself a “tune up” to be able to do all that. Neuropathways no longer needed are being pruned away to make room for new growth. Brain chemistry, (like high levels of dopamine driving them to seek poor judgment thrilling experiences), is being impacted by a roller coaster of hormonal changes. Now I ask, how could you not have altered mood and thought that makes you act crazy? (This piece of scientific knowledge would positively change my attitude and approach often when dealing with my own teenager).

Understanding that an upheaval is occurring in your teen’s brain is a crucial step towards helping you deal the day to day doings of the normal teenage life. It should make us all a bit more forgiving of teenagers and yourselves as parents. (Yes, I know… they know how to push your buttons). But we really need to rethink how we think of teenager’s altogether.  This should be comforting news. An adolescent brain is unfinished.  So there is hope. There is still time. Its capacity for neuroplasticity offers tremendous possibilities for positive shaping if kids are connected in strength and respect-based relationships with adults. And this is the key for successful interventions with teenagers: your relationship.

Although at times you may have to act as though you are your teenager’s frontal cortex and give him a high dose of “tough love”, by nurturing a positive, empathic, respectful and supportive relationship, you will be able to enhance his continuing development. Fear/punishment-based parenting on the contrary, will only help you control your teen, but will not teach him how to control himself or how to prepare to face the challenges of daily life.  Remember that you still have the most powerful influence in his life.

Working with teenagers is very different than working with adults or children. I have provided individual, group, family therapy and education for teens and their families in a variety of settings, from hospitals, to group homes and to schools, and have developed an approach that is warm, positive, respectful and effective. Working with teenagers is almost an art form.

So let me help you maintain your own sanity in the meantime and not unintentionally jeopardize your relationship with your teen. Maybe I can help you realize that your teen is not as crazy as you thought…and repeat like a mantra, “This too shall pass”.

However...

If you notice behaviors in your teen that go beyond than just normal “teen moodiness”, there are definitely certain red flags you need to watch out for. Teenage depression isn’t just occasional bad moods or sadness, but it is more common than you think. And it can be a serious problem that impacts every aspect of a teen’s life, causing overwhelming sadness, despair or anger.

·        Sadness or hopelessness, irritability, tearfulness or frequent crying

·        Withdrawal from some, but not all, people, loss of interest in activities

·        Changes in eating and sleeping habits, restlessness and agitation

·        Feelings of worthlessness, guilt and boredom

·                Lack of enthusiasm or motivation, fatigue or lack of energy, difficulty concentrating

·        Unexplained aches and pains

·        Extreme sensitivity to criticism, thoughts of death or suicide

No one ever said that adolescence was easy. Growing up can be a complicated business. Get help for your teen now if he needs it.

 Parent- Infant Attachment Problems

The most protective factor against later developmental, emotional or behavioral problems begins in the first year after birth: the formation of a secure attachment relationship with a primary caregiver. This early attachment relationship influences later development in a number of ways:

·        Experiences with the mother or primary caregiver affect the neurobiology and structure of the infant’s developing brain. The infant-parent attachment provides opportunities to develop capacities for higher levels of cognitive processing.

·               It is the foundation for learning affect-regulation and impulse control. The baby is soothed by the parent’s responses, which then become internalized.

·        Infants learn relationship skills, especially empathy, behavioral regulation, communication and emotional attachment to others.

·        Internal working models are being developed during this time. Infants begins to anticipate the responses to his/her actions and signals. These are the unconscious expectations of relationships that may last a lifetime.

 I have experience working as an infant mental health specialist for many years. The majority of my clients in this area of mental health have been mothers with mental health problems, i.e. mild to severe depression (including post-partum), or anxiety, which often impacted and put at risk the appropriate cognitive, emotional and behavioral development of their infant and toddlers (0 to 3 years old).

There are times when early developing attachment relationships maybe disturbed by parental histories of unresolved losses and traumatic life events. Since the environment provided by the child’s first caregivers has a profound effect on virtually every facet of their early development, infant-parent psychotherapy helps reduce the risk of relationship failure which can negatively interfere with this process.  

 A timely assessment of your relationship with your infant or young child may provide you with the information you need to know if your child is at risk of not developing appropriately.

Specialty areas in working with infants, children and adolescents

·        Academic underachievement, learning difficulties

·        Children and Adolescents with ADHD, Sensory regulation and LD

·        High Risk teens- suicidal ideation and  self-injurious behaviors, substance abuse, domestic violence

·        Depression, Anxiety and Trauma

·        Life transitions/ becoming an adult

·               Teen substance abuse

·        Raising self-esteem and resilience

·        Anger management

·        Parental stress and parent self-care toolbox

·        Post-Partum Depression and problems bonding with infant

·        Pregnant teens, teenage mothers and fathers

·        Loss, Grief and Bereavement